May 2013
9 posts
sell out
Great storytellers
Tend to ham it up
Baby-faced and squatting in Chinatown
While the old boy
Spins a daydream
But chooses something more ‘adult’ to do
explicate this, doc
“yew bittr cahm tew me”
I said it with so much emotion
Anger and hope-and-fear-and-tears
I had a speech impediment
When I was having a bad time
My friend had a dream
And in it I was a tough person
Not like a strongman competition
But like survival and perseverance
Not like Dr. Phil but more like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween
But this strength was more real because it was mine.
...
The History Channel says it could be a bad day for human kind
So I avoid the cracks in the sidewalk.
The Weather Channel says it could be a bad day for kayaking
So we rent movies.
The Discovery Channel says there are more stars in the universe
than every grain of sand, in every ocean, beach, desert and playground on planet earth.
So she looked out the sunroof and said “ever notice the...
running into ex-boyfriends
I know that you have seen me and I have seen you too
There’s probably a French word for how I feel
Or at least a Dolly Parton song
The most honest words I’ve ever said were under my breath
And this is no exception
“she’s probably a fashion merchandizing major”
I’m only twenty but every sentence I make
Begins with “remember when”
And you are always there
Nervous laughter makes my whole...
resume
Winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald Emotional Maturity Award
Graduate of the Kanye West school of Superiority and Entitlement
Recipient of the Woody Allen Chutzpah Fellowship
First Place Disappointment in the Matriarchal Expectations League
Author of such classics as “How Not to Get a Passing Grade in Creative Writing”
And the original Twilight Zone episode “The Obsolete (Wo)Man”
the newspaper
When I ask the mother-daughter chefs
About their political affiliation
And the drag queen cover band
About their public libraries
I am secretly telling you
About my trance-like game of Mad Libs
I will go anywhere
Leavenworth, Kansas or Wheaton, Illinois
And familiarity sweetly lurches after me
In sticker-covered parking meters and dirty toilets
These characters are...
I like to think I’m pretty clued into the struggles of other groups. I’m a liberal, this is what we think. I have friends of all ethnic backgrounds, friends that identify with all different types of sexuality, but yesterday I found myself in a situation which really illuminated to me how foolish I am.
One of my coworkers, one of my favorite coworkers, is very poor. She has three kids...
April 2013
12 posts
“Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that...”
I stopped shaving my armpits
This probably won’t shock you if you know my politics, but I was surprised just how hard of a decision it was.
Intellectually, I recognize sexism and unrealistic beauty standards and the oppression of women and how these sexist beauty standards will only remain in place as long as we are willing to uphold them. Unfortunately, I live in a time, and work at a job, where I need to abide by these...
When I didn’t get the thing at The Onion I was like
“…”
Ok.
What now.
“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying...”
– Mitch Hedberg (via nevver)
In an initial consultation with my psychiatrist, he asked how I knew when I was depressed.
I kind of laughed, because I knew exactly how to answer his question.
“Whenever I look around at my car or my house and it’s a huge mess, I’m like, ‘Oh, I guess I’m depressed.”
An addendum: Whenever I look around at my life and it’s a huge mess.
This Prozac...
I had an interview for an internship with the only place I’ve ever wanted to work. I think it went well.
Growing up is very surreal.
On being 25 and in classes with 18 year olds
Maybe the most stark difference between me and my classmates is just how unflinchingly assured they seem to be. Whether they finish all their homework and study for days or forget to even bring a pen and skip the final, they rest in a smug, unaffected way. These are kids who haven’t been beaten down by life. Even the introverted, unpolished kids with dirty hair and shaky voices exude a confidence...
A cat chasing a laser is a metaphor for life
Or maybe it’s just a cat chasing a laser
March 2013
17 posts
Cartoon physics is a jocular system of laws of physics that supersedes the normal laws, used in animation for humorous effect. Normal physical laws are referential (i.e., objective, invariant), but cartoon physics are preferential (i.e., subjective, varying).
Many of the most famous American animated films, particularly those from Warner Bros. and MGM studios, unconsciously developed a relatively...
Maybe everyone I know has a husband
Maybe they all have cars
Maybe they all have designated days of the week for laundry and grocery shopping
Maybe they don’t keep their clothes on the floor
Maybe they have children
Maybe they wake up early in the morning
Maybe they feel calm and in control
Maybe they exercise
Maybe they eat three meals a day
Maybe they keep their promises
Maybe they...
Kitten.: 'Mountain Dew Commercial Disguised as a... →
meganfalley:
Here’s what I’ve got, the reasons why our marriage might work: Because you wear pink but write poems about bullets and gravestones. Because you yell at your keys when you lose them, and laugh, loudly, at your own jokes. Because you can hold a pistol, gut a pig. Because you memorize songs, even commercials from thirty years back and sing them when vacuuming. You have soft hands....
You know I normally would say there’s no such thing as over thinking, that television must be taken very seriously and we need to closely examine what our fictional characters MEAN, but this reads like a deconstruction of illuminati symbols in a Beyonce video: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2013/03/13/the_geopolitics_of_girls
In fifth grade, over the course of a few weeks, our class listened rapt as Ms. Ellis read aloud Where The Red Fern Grows. We followed along in our books at our desks, and I remember looking at all the words and all the chapters and how intimidating the thickness of the pages was. This was the biggest book I had tackled at that point, even if I was just following along.
I remember how my whole...
February 2013
7 posts
2 tags
Whenever someone you know dies, you’re impacted immediately. Everything moves slowly. You remember fear. Not fear of basic things, fear of death. Concern with survival in an immediate way, not in some existential intellectual way. You’re secretly wondering, “Is death contagious?”
4 tags
I never watched The West Wing when it was on air. I was 11 when the show started, with decidedly no interest in politics. Up til yesterday, the only knowledge I had of the show was that it was written by Aaron Sorkin and that people walked briskly down corridors while talking to each other.
I watched 6.5 episodes yesterday. (It was while I was painting my living room, so I’m not a total...
January 2013
30 posts
7 Ways to Keep Your Shark Moving
For most of my life, I have been in romantic relationships. I was a boyfriend girl. I dated a lot of people, and for long periods of time. All of these people I broke up with for selfish reasons, and recently I have been entertaining the idea of interviewing the guys I’ve dated in the hopes of learning something about myself. I told you I was selfish, but the subtext here is: I am a...
It’s the big things- love and death- that are the hardest to write about. I think that even the best writing on these topics is just barely scratching the surface. Both can induce the same empty gut feeling. But it’s not an empty gut, it’s like something is scraping at the bottom of your gut, ringing a hollow sound throughout, reminding you of just how empty you are and that just because you’re...
I can't believe he's gone. →
He was so smart, so funny, so creative, so full of energy and so warm. Being around him made me think I was those things too.
