thoughts on flying by someone who flew only once in their childhood and doesn't remember what it's like at all
What if I die. What if we crash. My mom doesn’t even know I’m on a plane. My mom doesn’t even know I’m going on a trip. Whoa, I guess I don’t talk to my mom very much. Bobby would have to tell her. He would probably feel guilty for my death because I’m going to visit him. That would be terrible. But I’m probably not one of those people who’s like “if I die, I want you to find happiness.” You should mourn me, man. Wear black for the rest of your life like an old Polish woman.
Wow, this plane is going really fast.
My stomach feels like it dropped to the floor. This is like a roller coaster. This is thrilling. How do people ever complain about flying? How does everyone look so NORMAL right now? Flight is a MIRACLE. I am a bird.
Apparently I am also the kind of person who thinks things like “I am a bird.”
I am in the clouds. Clouds are beautiful from every angle. “What’s the deal with clouds?”-Jerry Seinfeld. I am in the clouds and the sun. I feel close to god. There is no god. There should be a god.
We are bigger than that football field. Bigger than that semi truck. Bigger than that warehouse.
"We are now crossing the Mississippi river. Passengers to the left of the plane can see downtown St. Louis and the Arch."
How are we already to St. Louis? Flying is magical. Everything is green and brown from up here. It dips and curves organically in some places and forms a man made grid in others. Like a checkerboard. Like my Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail polish strips that are terrible by the way, don’t buy them. I put them on yesterday and they’re already peeling off. Those trees look like pubes. America is so big.
The Grapes of Wrath.
I never read it but this view is what my mental image of the Grapes of Wrath is. That’s the one about the dust bowl, right? God damnit, I wish I could check that on Wikipedia right now.
Shit, I should be writing this down. But I can’t turn on my phone. I think I have a pen and paper somewhere.
a list of everyone I have kissed, whose names have not been changed
Kevin Theiss-Kissed behind the puppet show in Kindergarten. I remained tragically in borderline stalkerish love with him until about seventh grade. I collected his discarded candy wrappers and trash, which I used in a scrapbook devoted to him.
Alex Holliday-First real boyfriend. Exchanged “love you” words. He wore MXPX t-shirts and tube socks. Introduced me to The Clash, The Ramones, etc. Dated for about a year and a half. Dumped him because I developed a crush on someone I never ended up kissing.
Alex Dow-The first person I dated that only made sense on paper. I think I dated him to prove that I could date someone other than Alex Holliday. He was like a brother.
Sean Theis-He told me I looked like Avril Lavigne. I think he cooks meth now.
Nick Giacoletto-Second real boyfriend. Dated for about a year and a half. We broke up once because he cheated on me with an overweight statistician for his soccer team. The first person I had underwhelming sex with.
Craig Thomas-Totally sweet and very fun guy. Wholly out of my league. The worst kisser in history.
Justin Schneider-I think I dated him for a combination of the following reasons: he was nice to me, dumb, good looking and comically rich.
Trevor Mattea-Serious boyfriend who, on paper, should have been The One. We were both very into ourselves and each other and our brand. We had nearly as much fun and as much drama as Syd and Nancy.