twitchy woman

Photo

Fri, 17 May 2013 13:22:56 -0500

sell out

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:18:27 -0500

Great storytellers

Tend to ham it up

Baby-faced and squatting in Chinatown

While the old boy

Spins a daydream

But chooses something more ‘adult’ to do

explicate this, doc

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:17:57 -0500

“yew bittr cahm tew me”

I said it with so much emotion

Anger and hope-and-fear-and-tears

I had a speech impediment

When I was having a bad time

My friend had a dream

And in it I was a tough person

Not like a strongman competition

But like survival and perseverance

Not like Dr. Phil but more like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween

But this strength was more real because it was mine.

And I know she wouldn’t lie to make me feel good

I could hear her voice and she was haunted

And that was a lot from someone I’ve only met once.

That same night I dreamt I put a gun in my mouth

(not that I even know where to get a gun)

(not that I believe dreams mean anything)

But that’s been hard to forget mostly because I thought it was impossible to die in dreams.

I’ve had some trouble swallowing food since.

The History Channel says it could be a bad day for human kind So I avoid the cracks in the...

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:17:25 -0500

The History Channel says it could be a bad day for human kind

So I avoid the cracks in the sidewalk.

The Weather Channel says it could be a bad day for kayaking

So we rent movies.

The Discovery Channel says there are more stars in the universe

than every grain of sand, in every ocean, beach, desert and playground on planet earth.

So she looked out the sunroof and said “ever notice the space between the stars?”

running into ex-boyfriends

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:17:01 -0500

I know that you have seen me and I have seen you too

There’s probably a French word for how I feel

Or at least a Dolly Parton song

The most honest words I’ve ever said were under my breath

And this is no exception

“she’s probably a fashion merchandizing major”

I’m only twenty but every sentence I make

Begins with “remember when”

And you are always there

Nervous laughter makes my whole body shake

And I can feel myself getting pale

Most wars end at night; too tired to fight

I wouldn’t say this to most people but

Even in an auditorium the size of the city

You still have all my attention

resume

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:16:32 -0500

Winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald Emotional Maturity Award

Graduate of the Kanye West school of Superiority and Entitlement

Recipient of the Woody Allen Chutzpah Fellowship

First Place Disappointment in the Matriarchal Expectations League

Author of such classics as “How Not to Get a Passing Grade in Creative Writing”

And the original Twilight Zone episode “The Obsolete (Wo)Man”

the newspaper

Mon, 06 May 2013 13:16:04 -0500

When I ask the mother-daughter chefs

About their political affiliation

And the drag queen cover band

About their public libraries

I am secretly telling you

About my trance-like game of Mad Libs

I will go anywhere

Leavenworth, Kansas or Wheaton, Illinois

And familiarity sweetly lurches after me

In sticker-covered parking meters and dirty toilets

These characters are living breathing

But they’re not people to me

In Romeoville, someone told me

There’s a lot of romance in half a grapefruit

Then I realized all my new favorite bands

Sound like my old favorite bands

And that’s all the thinking I had to do

Before I was allowed to put my name on it

I like to think I’m pretty clued into the struggles of other groups. I’m a liberal, this...

Fri, 03 May 2013 15:39:57 -0500

I like to think I’m pretty clued into the struggles of other groups. I’m a liberal, this is what we think. I have friends of all ethnic backgrounds, friends that identify with all different types of sexuality, but yesterday I found myself in a situation which really illuminated to me how foolish I am.

One of my coworkers, one of my favorite coworkers, is very poor. She has three kids and a husband, and they all live in a one bedroom apartment. She works two jobs. She arrived in America, arrived at the job we do together, not speaking English. Hearing her speak about that time is, I’m sure, how most immigrants feel. She was scared. Imagine how scary it is to live somewhere you don’t speak the language, and try to do a job where you don’t understand what anyone is saying. People would be asking her to do things and she’d have no idea what they were saying. She eventually taught herself English through conversation-at 30 years old-and speaks very good English. Now she’s teaching herself to read and write in English through borrowing her kids schoolbooks and, on the bus, she reads and struggles and underlines and has a notebook she keeps of words she doesn’t know, to look up when she comes home. She’s someone I love so much. She’s always laughing, always working ten times harder than anyone else, and all she cares about is her family. Unfortunately, her husband is a piece of shit for reasons I won’t get into and she’s tied to him for reasons I won’t get into.

She was telling me about the holiday Dia De Los Ninos, or day of the children, where children are celebrated and children’s books are celebrated. She didn’t have any money to get them gifts. (She also didn’t have money to get them Christmas gifts) So, because I’m an overemployed woman with disposable income, no children, no husband, no real responsibilities, I went to the dollar store and spent like $30 on shit for her kids.

It was when I was looking through the coloring books, activity books, and sundry that I realized how fucking hard it was to find something for them. Sometimes white parents buy their kids black dolls or something, on occasion, to teach their kids about tolerance or something. But I couldn’t find a single book with brown kids. It was all white kids. How would that feel?

An example I give a lot about how it feels to grow up a woman, or an Other, is: Imagine your whole life you were told God was a man and you are not like God. God made man in his image. You are only your relation to God/man. Imagine how that would change the way you see the world, how you fit into the world, how the world sees you.

Imagine being a kid in a store, and you’re allowed to buy a book. Imagine there are no books with characters that look like you. You probably wouldn’t even realize it, but you might. The important part is that it will influence you, and how you see the world, how you fit into the world, how the world sees you.

25 Minutes To Go-Johnny Cash (written by Shel Silverstein)

Fri, 03 May 2013 01:13:41 -0500

25 Minutes To Go-Johnny Cash (written by Shel Silverstein)

"Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and..."

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:46:31 -0500

“Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I’ll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method… is love. I love you Sheriff Truman”

I stopped shaving my armpits

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:12:36 -0500

This probably won’t shock you if you know my politics, but I was surprised just how hard of a decision it was.

Intellectually, I recognize sexism and unrealistic beauty standards and the oppression of women and how these sexist beauty standards will only remain in place as long as we are willing to uphold them. Unfortunately, I live in a time, and work at a job, where I need to abide by these norms.

For a long time I’d been toying with the idea. I take very loose care of the hair on my head and my legs and just barely reign in the HAIR DOWN THERE but, as someone whose job it is to hand people things and maintain hygienic standards in the workplace, then be tipped, I was always too chicken shit to think critically about shaving my armpits.

I knew it was stupid to shave my armpits. I knew they itched every time I shaved. I knew the hair grew back within A DAY. I knew I was just mindlessly agreeing to something I wholeheartedly disagreed with.

This was how I once handled vegetarianism. I had many friends who were vegetarian and I playfully ribbed them about it. I fucking loved chicken. Who doesn’t? Deep down I knew that killing animals was fucked up, but I didn’t let myself think about it because I enjoyed living comfortably. Living comfortably, to me, meant being able to eat whatever I wanted, and say whatever I wanted, and think whatever I wanted.

This is a really stupid way to live.

Once I let myself accept what I knew-that killing animals is wrong-and once I let myself do the research, watch the videos, and open my mind up to another way to live, I understood. It was freeing. I’ve been vegetarian for six years. It’s not hard. It’s so very easy. I never even think about eating meat. It’s been freeing.

I haven’t shaved my armpits in four days. I still feel a little anxiety about someone commenting on it. But fuck them.

When I didn’t get the thing at The Onion I was like “…” Ok. What now.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:20:57 -0500

When I didn’t get the thing at The Onion I was like

“…”

Ok.

What now.

Photo

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:20:16 -0500

"I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that."

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:20:02 -0500

“I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.”

- Mitch Hedberg (via nevver)

theswinginsixties: Tammy Wynette, 1968.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:19:47 -0500

theswinginsixties:

Tammy Wynette, 1968.

In an initial consultation with my psychiatrist, he asked how I knew when I was depressed. I kind of...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:02:08 -0500

In an initial consultation with my psychiatrist, he asked how I knew when I was depressed.

I kind of laughed, because I knew exactly how to answer his question.

“Whenever I look around at my car or my house and it’s a huge mess, I’m like, ‘Oh, I guess I’m depressed.”

An addendum: Whenever I look around at my life and it’s a huge mess.

This Prozac ain’t workin’, doc.

I had an interview for an internship with the only place I’ve ever wanted to work. I think it...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 14:26:22 -0500

I had an interview for an internship with the only place I’ve ever wanted to work. I think it went well.
Growing up is very surreal.

On being 25 and in classes with 18 year olds

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 02:24:26 -0500

Maybe the most stark difference between me and my classmates is just how unflinchingly assured they seem to be. Whether they finish all their homework and study for days or forget to even bring a pen and skip the final, they rest in a smug, unaffected way. These are kids who haven’t been beaten down by life. Even the introverted, unpolished kids with dirty hair and shaky voices exude a confidence that I lack entirely. Maybe that comes with age. Maybe growing up is accepting that you have no idea what’s happening. Maybe getting older is recognizing uncertainty. And complication. And your flaws.

Maybe age is starting every sentence with the word “maybe.”

comments on one of my youtube videos

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 02:04:49 -0500

comments on one of my youtube videos

A cat chasing a laser is a metaphor for life Or maybe it’s just a cat chasing a laser

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:55:37 -0500

A cat chasing a laser is a metaphor for life
Or maybe it’s just a cat chasing a laser